Hermione · Granger

Bill's gone. That bastard Lucius Malfoy knew where he was. He ordered him back and. . . he left.

What's worse was our goodbye. I told him I loved him. How could he not have seen it? This whole year, me trying to get closer to him, helping him, caring for him. He never saw a thing.

And I kissed him. I had to. I couldn't go for who knows how long not seeing him. It was sweet, and gentle, and. . . a goodbye. I hate goodbyes. So we told each other, "See you later." But I don't know if we ever will.

He left Esmond with me. Poor pup. He sulked on the couch for days. And he'd howl at night. And scratch at the door. I just picked him up and whispered to him, told him Bill would be okay and that he'd see him again. I just hope I'm right. The little Crup seems to understand what I'm saying. Sometimes it's like carrying on a conversation.

I told Bill I'd come rescue him. He told me not to. That he wanted me to stay here where it's safe but. . . it's not safe anymore. Not now that Lucius knows where we are. Our entire lives are resting on the "compassion" of that man. Something has to be done. And I don't care if Draco takes me again. I'm sure I could negotiate a meeting with Bill if I were re-captured. I just want to see him again.

I will see him again. If I have to be under the will of Malfoy again, then so be it. But I will see Bill again. I love him. People keep telling me, "Think rationally, Hermione. Don't go do something stupid. It's not like you. He wouldn't want you to get hurt. Stay here, where it's safe." But rational thinking went out the door when I blurted out that I loved him. I don't know how long it'll take. But I've got to plan. That's the only "rational" thing I can do. I can't barge into Malfoy Manor without a plan.

I just can't make myself care about much anymore. I took Bill up on his offer to stay in his rooms. I think it also calms Esmond. I found the house elves dividing up his things to give out, but I stopped them. At least for now. I. . . need them around. They comfort me.

I miss him. I'd gotten so used to seeing him every day. Coaxing him out of his room, even if it was just to take the walk to my own or the Great Hall or the library. I just. . . hope that he misses me. I know with the full moon recently, it would've been hard for him. He never let me see him over the full moon. I don't think he understood that I would've done anything to help him. I promised him, the first night he came here, that I would help him and protect him. My promise still stands.

I thought he could trust me. I thought that after a year of helping him adjust and get over what happened, he would at least have the decency to explain something to me! You don't just get a mysterious owl and then stalk off!

We were having such a nice day, Bill and I. We were on our walk, like he promised, and it was snowing and we were having a snowball fight and he was smiling. He was actually smiling.

Gods I love that smile. Bloody hell, I love everything about him.

Then the owl came. And he left Esmond with me and ran back into the castle. That was four days ago. I haven't seen him since. He's been holed up in his room, and the only one who's even had a glimpse of him is Dobby. I make sure he gets his meals, but Dobby said that he's never in the living room. The food is picked at when it's picked up though. But not any substantial amount is eaten.

I just wish he would talk to me.